its a crazy life, but i'm alright

wow. can you say long time no see! i haven't been on here in so long. but i have a good reason...work!
i started working full time in the toddler class at a preschool and i love it. i have 7 kids and they are my entire life. i love them so much. i have one little girl that comes all 5 days. she's my baby. i know i'm not supposed to play favorites but she's different. her dad calls me her 2nd mother. he says she's never attached to someone so fast. but i love all my children. i don't ever want them to leave my class. this new job is my life and these kids are my world. they've changed my everything....

the main reason for the random post.... remember the last post...wanting to be free and fly away....i feel it. now finally. more than ever before. possibly not completely what i want but its definitely a start. you know that feeling dogs get with their head out the window. yeah i feel it too. we were stringing Christmas lights outside today and with the beauty and magic of Christmas i felt the wind blow on my face and through my hair and i knew i was finally where i needed to be.
i recently quit one of my jobs. it wasn't like when i first started...it wasn't something i enjoyed doing and i knew i had to end it. find something else, something more meaningful. but my life has changed so much. and its made me feel so different....so much happier. Along with having 7 beautiful children to make my life a whole lot sweeter, i finally have a few days to relax and live my own life, and my girlfriend....well we broke up. i think its good for me. yeah i love her, i always have and always will, but something wasn't right with us...with me. either way, i feel like a whole new person. cliche i know. but life is good :)

i wanna fly, i wanna drive, i wanna go, i wanna be a part of something i don't know

Sugarland- Fly Away
"oh i swear this town gets smaller everyday, and i'm waiting for my chance. i'm gonna break away. i'm so sick and tired of being told what's good for me. people got lots of ideas, of who i'm supposed to be........i wanna sleep under a different piece of sky, i wanna live a little bit before i die...."

this song means a lot to me. i want so badly to fly away. to go somewhere else and not have to worry about all that is bothering me here. and like the title "i wanna fly, i wanna drive, i wanna go, i wanna be a part of something i don't know" i feel held back here. and right now....nothing seems to be going the way i need it to. my whole world is falling apart and i don't know what i did to make it this way.

lets start with my dreams...."they say we dream because we're trying to tell ourselves something" i've been dreaming lately about tornadoes and when i looked it up i found this about tornadoes and it really fits everything that i've been wanting for a long time..."a less common interpretation of a tornado comes from the Wizard of Oz. In that story, the tornado is the portal of another world, carrying Dorthy far away from her Kansas home and off into the Land of Oz. If you associated strongly with that story as a child, ask yourself if you are wishing you too could be carried away by the tornado that appears in your dream. Alternatively ask yourself if you are getting carried away with your thoughts or fantasies. Remember, as much as Dorothy desired escape, she realized that happiness was in her own backyard!"
that fits what i've been saying all along! i just want to get away from all my problems and go somewhere where life is good. i need to leave everything behind for a while and figure out me....i need a break from girls and boys and the kids at work and school and my family and everything else thats been on my mind lately....

my work

so i got my new camera last week. its amazing. i'm totally in love with it. i can't wait to travel and take pictures of the world with it. i'm inspired lol.
here's some of the photos i've taken so far

my little snicker doodle -- Brookie

my shadow -- Zoey

winter

Photography

i sit in my room staring at the many photos layed on my desk. i am clicking back and forth of the tabs on the internet page, starring at the wodnerful works of professional photographers. i think to myself....why can't i take pictures like that. their photos are so beautifu and mine are so dull...or are they...? is my work really that bad...? maybe not.... i have to think about it this way. we are all different. and we can't have two photographers taking the exact same photos right? sure we can take pictures of the same subject, but for both photos to look identical would truely be boring. because we are all different it is only logic that our work will be too. that is what makes a good photographer, being an individual and creating one's own style. so i must think to myself i am a good photographer. and sooner or later my work will say that too...

My Sister, My Friend

my sister and i have spent the entire afternoon together. it has been lovely. we've watched two movies The Final Destination and My Sisters Keeper, we played in the snow (with Zoey some but she got cold and had to go inside), we had hot chocolate and coffee, Hannah made dinner all by her self and it was SO good (she totally should cook more often), we've been playing the Wii, and giggling the whole night. it has been a very fun day. and ya know what... for the first time in a while we didn't fight at all :) it makes me happy. we've been best friends today and its been amazing, just she and i all day... lots of fun and we totally have to do it again.

Hannah this is for you....i know i don't tell you a lot and when i do i don't always mean it or i'm joking around... but i love you for reals. i always will and no matter how much we fight/argue and no matter how much you drive me INSANE you're my sister and my best friend and i really do love you! oh you better take note of this cause i'm not gonna tell you again lol

Goodbye 2009, Welcome 2010

so of course with a new year comes the new years resolutions. i am sad to say most of mine for the past few years have failed...most i have kept some though lol. but this year i'm doing it differently. i'm setting the standards for something different. i'm not going to expect anything but simply put guidelines for myself to follow. i demand that this year will be good.

last year went by really fast and i feel i didn't get to fully enjoy it. but overall it was a good year. aside from breaking up with my girlfriend and losing a best friend to horrible lies and addictions. i gained a lot more than i ever expected from 2009. i graduated high school, started college, we went to 3 concerts (Mannheim Steamrollers, Miley Cyrus, and Jeff Dunham) which is a record for us, we went to Florida and camping. a lot of good things came of the year. i learned a lot. after the break up with my girlfriend i realized what a big mistake it was. luckily i got her back. she's my best friend and i love her so much. i can't wait to spend the rest of my life just she and i. but i've also learned to be strong. i hit some very low points in my life in the past few years. last year was the first year that i have been the strongest i ever thought possible. all the bad that's happened the last year or two has made me the person i am now. i am very proud of myself and i hope to have another amazing year.

Some of my New Years resolutions:
1. lose 40lbs before the summer
2. find something better in Florida than the roller coasters i've seen for a few years now
3. go to Kansas
4. get through my first year of college
5. help somebody in need
6. less TV more studying!
7. see Sugarland in concert :D
8. make a difference in someones life

My Shadow

so my girlfriend and i were talking early. i don't think she fully understands what i go through each day with my dog Zoey. we call her a crack princess. she's spoiled rotten. when she gets excited or you act like you're going to chase her she runs around full speed in circles through the house. she can turn corners at the speed of light. if something suddenly gets in her path she turns around right in front of it, never missing a beat....she's crazy! i love her though. but to just to explain to my girlfriend...and the rest of the world this is what deal with. i'm wrapped around her little paw....

she gets a treat each time she comes in from being outside on the chain, she waits at front door when she wants to go outside (either to play or potty), when she's ready to come in she stands as close to the door from her chain as she can and she makes this quiet little bark....just once tho and if i look out and i see her sitting there ik she's ready...it seems like i'm the only one who hears her tho...she has a tunnel straight to my ear, if she wants a treat she waits at the cabinet where they are stored, if she's at the front door and no one in the living room sees her or offers to take her to the chain she comes into my room and gets me.... she stands there and looks at me til i get up from my chair, she gets treats for going into the bathroom (her room, she goes there when we leave the house and for bed), when you put her toys in the bathroom or collect your keys she runs to the bathroom and waits for her treats, unless its mid afternoon then she thinks she can go with you (mostly cuz i let her go when i pick up my sister from school), she has pretty much taken over underneith my bed...her toys and all kinds of stuff is under there and she gets angry if i clean it out, she lets me hold her on her back in my arms like a baby, she hates getting a bath even tho she manages to get dirty enough outside to get one every other week...sometimes more, she eats anything and everything so we have to keep important stuff up, she loves stuffed animals....i don't! the stuffing ends up all over my room, when she wants in my room and the door is closed she scratches once...then waits and does it again until i come to the door and open it for her, she waits looking at my bedroom door until i open it if its not cracked enough for her to slip out, she loves to bug me in the morning...she brings toys and drops them on my face and i throw it and she comes back, her FAVORITE game is fetch....idk where she'd be without that game, she doesn't care what you throw long as you throw it...and she ALWAYS brings it back! but i think thats it. so yeah you get the just of what its like living with my dog.... the little crack princess who refuses to kiss my mom goodnight. crazy little brat! i love her though. i'm lost without my little shadow.

Miley Cyrus

so my parents surprised my sister and i by taking us to the Miley Cyrus concert at the Sommet Center. it was freakin awesome! i love Miley and this concert just threw it over the edge. she did such a wonderful job and everything was well put together. and the outfits omg the outfits were to die for! she is an amazing person and i love her. she is so talented she has amazing music and she is such a great actor. she is so mature for her age and she is a great role model.

here's the layout for the songs:

1. Breakout

2. Start All Over

3. Kicking & Screaming

4. Bottom of the Ocean

5. Fly on the Wall

6. Thriller Intro

7. Lets Get Crazy

8. Hoedown Throwdown

9. Boom Boom Pow-Dance Off of her dancers

10. These Four Walls

11. When I Look At You

12. Obsessed

13. Spotlight

14. Girls Night Out

15. I Love Rock and Roll

16. Party in the U.S.A.

17. Hungry (w/Trace Cyrus)

18. Simple Song

19. See You Again

20. The Climb

love quotes

these are some of my favorite love quotes.... i give these for you Patty... i love you so much

"I can't sleep without knowing there's hope. Half the night I waste in sighs. In a wakeful doze I sorrow. For the hand, the lips, the eyes. For the meeting of tomorrow ..." (Tennyson)

"you and you alone make me feel that i am alive." (George Moore)

"only love lets us see normal things in an extrodinary way," (Corey)

"there are millions of people in the world, but in the end it all comes down to you...." (Corey)

"i love you, not only for what you are, but for who i am when i am with you." (Roy Croft)

"when you are in love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams." (Dr. Suess)

"we were given: two hands to hold. to legs to walk. two eyes to see. two ears to listen. but why only one heart? because the other was given to someone else for us to find. " (unknown)

"love is love, doesn't matter that you're not supposed to be together." (unknown)

"meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice but falling in love with you i had no control over. " (unknown)

"love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop." (unknown)

"love me when i least deserve it, because that’s when i really need it." (Sweedish Proverb)

"one day I will marry my friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love....one day i will marry you." (Corey)

"anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly." (Rose Franklen)

"just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have." (unknown)

"you're kinda sorta, basically, pretty much, always on my mind." (unknown)

"i don't care about your imperfections...thats what makes me love you." (Corey)

"a thousand miles seems pretty far, but they've got plans and trains and cars, i'd walk to you if i had no other way." (Tom Higginson)

Johnny Depp

at first i was not a fan of Johnny Depp. i believe because the first movie i really remember everyone talking about of his was Pirates Of The Caribbean, one i'm not a big fan of. people were so obsessed with him and constantly talking of his appearance. i personally did not think he was amazing. after watching his films of Tim Burton's i now have to disagree on my previous thoughts of Johnny... he is AMAZING :). every movie directed or produced by Tim Burton i see that stars Johnny Depp i absolutely love!

i recently finished Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. i must say the movie is brilliantly designed but i'm not sure how much of the content i actually enjoyed. his performance was definitely different. i do love the movie don't get me wrong. i think this is a side of Johnny i have yet to see and i like it.

i love the other movies Tim Burton has done that star Johnny Depp.... Edward Scissorhands, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber, Charlie & The Chocolate Factory, Corpse Bride, and i am anxious for Alice In Wonderland.