its a crazy life, but i'm alright

wow. can you say long time no see! i haven't been on here in so long. but i have a good reason...work!
i started working full time in the toddler class at a preschool and i love it. i have 7 kids and they are my entire life. i love them so much. i have one little girl that comes all 5 days. she's my baby. i know i'm not supposed to play favorites but she's different. her dad calls me her 2nd mother. he says she's never attached to someone so fast. but i love all my children. i don't ever want them to leave my class. this new job is my life and these kids are my world. they've changed my everything....

the main reason for the random post.... remember the last post...wanting to be free and fly away....i feel it. now finally. more than ever before. possibly not completely what i want but its definitely a start. you know that feeling dogs get with their head out the window. yeah i feel it too. we were stringing Christmas lights outside today and with the beauty and magic of Christmas i felt the wind blow on my face and through my hair and i knew i was finally where i needed to be.
i recently quit one of my jobs. it wasn't like when i first started...it wasn't something i enjoyed doing and i knew i had to end it. find something else, something more meaningful. but my life has changed so much. and its made me feel so different....so much happier. Along with having 7 beautiful children to make my life a whole lot sweeter, i finally have a few days to relax and live my own life, and my girlfriend....well we broke up. i think its good for me. yeah i love her, i always have and always will, but something wasn't right with us...with me. either way, i feel like a whole new person. cliche i know. but life is good :)

i wanna fly, i wanna drive, i wanna go, i wanna be a part of something i don't know

Sugarland- Fly Away
"oh i swear this town gets smaller everyday, and i'm waiting for my chance. i'm gonna break away. i'm so sick and tired of being told what's good for me. people got lots of ideas, of who i'm supposed to be........i wanna sleep under a different piece of sky, i wanna live a little bit before i die...."

this song means a lot to me. i want so badly to fly away. to go somewhere else and not have to worry about all that is bothering me here. and like the title "i wanna fly, i wanna drive, i wanna go, i wanna be a part of something i don't know" i feel held back here. and right now....nothing seems to be going the way i need it to. my whole world is falling apart and i don't know what i did to make it this way.

lets start with my dreams...."they say we dream because we're trying to tell ourselves something" i've been dreaming lately about tornadoes and when i looked it up i found this about tornadoes and it really fits everything that i've been wanting for a long time..."a less common interpretation of a tornado comes from the Wizard of Oz. In that story, the tornado is the portal of another world, carrying Dorthy far away from her Kansas home and off into the Land of Oz. If you associated strongly with that story as a child, ask yourself if you are wishing you too could be carried away by the tornado that appears in your dream. Alternatively ask yourself if you are getting carried away with your thoughts or fantasies. Remember, as much as Dorothy desired escape, she realized that happiness was in her own backyard!"
that fits what i've been saying all along! i just want to get away from all my problems and go somewhere where life is good. i need to leave everything behind for a while and figure out me....i need a break from girls and boys and the kids at work and school and my family and everything else thats been on my mind lately....

my work

so i got my new camera last week. its amazing. i'm totally in love with it. i can't wait to travel and take pictures of the world with it. i'm inspired lol.
here's some of the photos i've taken so far

my little snicker doodle -- Brookie

my shadow -- Zoey

winter

Photography

i sit in my room staring at the many photos layed on my desk. i am clicking back and forth of the tabs on the internet page, starring at the wodnerful works of professional photographers. i think to myself....why can't i take pictures like that. their photos are so beautifu and mine are so dull...or are they...? is my work really that bad...? maybe not.... i have to think about it this way. we are all different. and we can't have two photographers taking the exact same photos right? sure we can take pictures of the same subject, but for both photos to look identical would truely be boring. because we are all different it is only logic that our work will be too. that is what makes a good photographer, being an individual and creating one's own style. so i must think to myself i am a good photographer. and sooner or later my work will say that too...

My Sister, My Friend

my sister and i have spent the entire afternoon together. it has been lovely. we've watched two movies The Final Destination and My Sisters Keeper, we played in the snow (with Zoey some but she got cold and had to go inside), we had hot chocolate and coffee, Hannah made dinner all by her self and it was SO good (she totally should cook more often), we've been playing the Wii, and giggling the whole night. it has been a very fun day. and ya know what... for the first time in a while we didn't fight at all :) it makes me happy. we've been best friends today and its been amazing, just she and i all day... lots of fun and we totally have to do it again.

Hannah this is for you....i know i don't tell you a lot and when i do i don't always mean it or i'm joking around... but i love you for reals. i always will and no matter how much we fight/argue and no matter how much you drive me INSANE you're my sister and my best friend and i really do love you! oh you better take note of this cause i'm not gonna tell you again lol

Goodbye 2009, Welcome 2010

so of course with a new year comes the new years resolutions. i am sad to say most of mine for the past few years have failed...most i have kept some though lol. but this year i'm doing it differently. i'm setting the standards for something different. i'm not going to expect anything but simply put guidelines for myself to follow. i demand that this year will be good.

last year went by really fast and i feel i didn't get to fully enjoy it. but overall it was a good year. aside from breaking up with my girlfriend and losing a best friend to horrible lies and addictions. i gained a lot more than i ever expected from 2009. i graduated high school, started college, we went to 3 concerts (Mannheim Steamrollers, Miley Cyrus, and Jeff Dunham) which is a record for us, we went to Florida and camping. a lot of good things came of the year. i learned a lot. after the break up with my girlfriend i realized what a big mistake it was. luckily i got her back. she's my best friend and i love her so much. i can't wait to spend the rest of my life just she and i. but i've also learned to be strong. i hit some very low points in my life in the past few years. last year was the first year that i have been the strongest i ever thought possible. all the bad that's happened the last year or two has made me the person i am now. i am very proud of myself and i hope to have another amazing year.

Some of my New Years resolutions:
1. lose 40lbs before the summer
2. find something better in Florida than the roller coasters i've seen for a few years now
3. go to Kansas
4. get through my first year of college
5. help somebody in need
6. less TV more studying!
7. see Sugarland in concert :D
8. make a difference in someones life